Your dad touched me again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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