every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
