I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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