Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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