I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
