soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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