You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
