Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
