I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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