I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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