Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
