He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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