i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize