We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
