Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
