Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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