Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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