Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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