My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
