I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
