Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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