Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
