I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
