what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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