i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
