how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
