I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
