So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
