It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
