yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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