I didn't shave. On purpose
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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