I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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