I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize