The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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