Can i not drive my cunt home
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
