Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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