she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.