Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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