Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.

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(303): normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective. http://tfl.nu/9jpo

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.

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(303): I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed. http://tfl.nu/amby

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(330): View more from Ohio

You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

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(330): You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions http://tfl.nu/rnwr

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(818): View more from California

I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.

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(818): I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking. http://tfl.nu/j1uf

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.

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(908): I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in. http://tfl.nu/z4b8

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(516): View more from New York

if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine

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(516): if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine http://tfl.nu/b6e8

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(303): View more from Colorado

My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

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(303): My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/r17h

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(317): View more from Indiana

you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...

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(317): you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party... http://tfl.nu/sqle

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....

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(931): Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me.... http://tfl.nu/xfhz

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(408): View more from California

This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

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(408): This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady. http://tfl.nu/u3v1

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.

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(919): Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok. http://tfl.nu/xw7f

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

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(262): put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone http://tfl.nu/kic6

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(916): View more from California

You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.

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(916): You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you. http://tfl.nu/ukeu

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(425): View more from Washington

I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life

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(425): I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life http://tfl.nu/15hg

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(818): View more from California

You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.

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(818): You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer. http://tfl.nu/8foa

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