everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.