just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been