Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
