If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.