but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
