You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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