I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
