One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
