I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
