I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
