Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
