I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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