hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize