I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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