Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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