im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i dont even know how to be here
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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