The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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