But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
