So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
