i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
wow bdsm is so cute
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