you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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