but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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