the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
