careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
