I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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