dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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