You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
