i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
