does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
