Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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